Given how bad 2008 was for the vast majority of the world I feel relatively safe assuming that 2009 is going to be that much better.  Right now all over the world people are reflecting on the ups and downs of the previous 365 days.  I tend to go back a bit further.  In college, a good year was one that ended with me in a relationship and out of trouble.  Now a good year is one that ends with me in a stable job and out of debt.  I fear 2009 will need to get a couple weeks under its belt before I know if 2008 ended good or not.

It's amazing what time can do to a person.  In college I rarely spent a day alone.  I was surrounded by close friends.  There was always someone there to share a meal, watch a movie, confide in... Holidays meant figuring out who was going home with whom.  Break ups meant running off to your friends and exploring a different opportunity the next week.

It was easy to take those things for granted.

These years... This "adulthood" if you can call it that.  These years change people.  Jaded and broken, I have come to expect the worst.  Feelings of defeat and failure will rip apart the strongest of hearts.  It's a crippling sensation.  Three months ago a gentle touch from a cute face which should have made me raise an eyebrow instead just said "don't get your hopes up".

The attitude... The expectations... They are all wrong for this world.

I have a laundry list of things I've wanted to accomplish for quite some time.  Motivation and attitude keep those goals out of reach.  But I really don't have any other choice.  If I don't step up now, the longer term - and more important - objectives will never fall into place.

A little white dress with orange flowers reminded me of that tonight...